Previously, in theredstringofate: I explained how happy we ought to be to be able to come back home, empty-handed and dirty-clothed and proudly declared I already have sort of a year plan, maybe, I think, well, ehm, not sure... anyway, nevermind.
How cute. An innocent little piece of white
paper under my windscreen, waving to the end of the summer breeze. A small surprise left by a policeman, probably an honest person, able to make presents, sing
songs, feed babies and walk dogs… a nice good man who doesn't have any idea
about MY EXTREMELY TIGHT BUDGET.
I got my driver's licence about two
years ago. What a scary-exciting experience it was to drive. What a scary
experience it still is (even for the other drivers). But you
know what I mean right?– if not, please nod and fake it - I’m sure you all had
problems to understand the mysterious functioning of the malefic, puzzling roundabouts;
invented by Greenpeace just to reduce the number of drivers in the world (Especially
in Spain, where most of the young drivers make use of the famous closeyoureyesandsteponit driving technique).
Did you ever have the feeling that
you were looking on the wing mirrors but could see nothing meaningful on
them? Ahhh… I remember those days, when I was sort of a bland jelly fish trying
to hold a wheel, while my milk-shake-brain was poorly trying to get a hold of all the things I should be doing simultaneously, and shouting “D’OH!”after every
mistake. My driver instructor could as well have recorded his voice and disappeared
- he would repeat exactly the same annoying speech during every lesson. So
boring! Why in the world would I listen to that?! Why would ANYBODY listen to that? But that’s a part of the
past, dear friends. And the fact that I needed more than 35 lessons to pass the
test has nothing to do with it. So much time has passed by... I got so much experience, drove so many cars, on so many roads. I am such a driving expert today, dear friends.
The first car I was able to
drive, was my sister’s BEAST. I felt powerful, a giant flying on my invincible BEAST.
Nothing could happen to this machine, I could mistreat it, even park by touch…
Sometimes, I was a bit mean to him. One day I got some gas and forgot the tank’s
lid on top of the BEAST. I drove a hill, parked (did my usual 5 tries)… finally
found out. He was such a good friend, he did not drop it!! In another occasion,
I went up the hill in the third gear. My BEAST could not make it… and decided
to stop his invincible ass in the middle of the avenue. An old stranger had to
get in the car and get it started for me. And STILL, he was a good boy, and did
me a really good turn. He had life of his own. He was my dear BEAST:
But… one fatal day the BEAST had
to leave this world. He went to the car’s heaven, where there are no parking
problems, floods of free petrol run along candy and cookie roads and the Smiths, the Shins and other fantastic bands play the soundtrack (ugh…not
sure who's heaven this is anymore).
Then, I got to drive… el ÁNGEL. For those of you who still don’t
know, eL ÁNGEL is the Spanish far-away
cousin of the Knight Rider. He could even drive on his own and would come and
pick me up. And then I would jump through the window, fall on the seat and
drive away. He could make my bed, just like the printer in my last office. During
the weekends, me and my friends could have private parties inside.
If he wanted to. But he does not.
This car resolved not to like me.
He is a cheeky monkey... and he refused me as his Michael Knight. He won’t
even park properly, this bastard! Sometimes he goes on a strike and doesn't even
light the indicators… I am trying to convince Humanity this is not my fault, I
am a good driver but this car is a bad-mannered, bloody insulting, evil car. But he is el ÁNGEL, the perfect driving friend...and I know it will be difficult to convince the authorities that HE NEVER TOLD ME I was not
allowed to park there today. But I have to make them believe!!
Don’t know how,don't know when... but as Skoda is my witness, eL ÁNGEL will pay for this.
p.s. and I will have to pay as well :(
p.s. and I will have to pay as well :(
